The War on Drugs

The drink goes down smooth in times like this, when all your friends have left town and the Red Sox are beating the daylights out of Toronto. Yes, their winning somehow makes the temporary loneliness go by the far, far side. The Blue Jays used to have the Rocket. I'm fairly certain that was the time, not too long ago, when we were afraid of these fellows from the land of the Canuck. But no more. They are cads and halfwits.

Bam! That new acquisition Edgar Renteria is making it happen as we speak! Diving catch of a laser line drive to end the inning. There are some of us that were wondering why on earth we would get rid of Cabrera. He had skill between the bags and he was one hell of a Cruise Director. Shit, even the surly who watched him from the comfort of the living room lounge could break a smile when he flashed his own. He had pizzazz, or something along those lines. Panache perhaps.

On Baseball: some fool was talking about the cloud of steroids in the New York Times this past week. Or maybe it was MSNBC. So hard to keep track of things these days with the multimedia mindfuck in full and total control. Drugs Drugs Drugs. Yes, the evil is real and palpable. Practically pulsating. Records are called in question and hulking beasts are trotted in front of dried out shells of men for Congressional Hearings. The Juice is loose and it is making laced balls scream over fence after fence. So we fight the war to keep this advantage out of the hands of men who are supposed to be the model for kids everywhere. Is it no wonder that kids would rather flick the switch and shoot through some video game rather than go out in the street and hit a wiffle ball? With heroes like these...

These Red Sox are looking like the stankest of feces right now at the worst possible time. Somehow the lead has contracted and the 'Jays are licking at our Puma shod heels in this, the final regulation inning of the night. Keith Foulke is clearly off his nut, ce nuit. But I digress.

Drugs. Evil right? Well no! Not if you want a boner or a good night's rest. They are even making muted shuffling noises about Viagra for women. Increase the sensation. It's not just a man's world anymore. But again, that's neither here nor there. The fact is drugs pervade every aspect of the modern American's daily existence. Any physical or psychological ailment is either curable or being targeted for amelioration by drugs. Are we to go after those that use or abuse Prozac and it's ilk just like we are stampeding the MLB, the NFL, the PTA...wait that last one is yet to happen. But now that I have dusted off that particular pearl, shouldn't it be a world-class lousy idea for the youth of America to grow up under the impression that they simply can't survive, let alone thrive, without the help of some kind of Brain Pill? But that is exactly what is transpiring. That is the reality. Forget about getting jacked to hit the long ball. The War on Drugs is a farce because the numbers of those who use them to enhance their existence are legion. And they are so much more diverse than the Althletes and curb hugging needle jockeys that Congress and one President after the next vilifies. I would even bet there was a convincing percentage of the politicians who, whilst staring down their patrician beaks at the improbably cowering, suited ballplayers in their midst, have some form of mood regulator or heart medication coursing through their antiquated vessels. Could they sit there and question these bastards if their ticker decided to head for the sunset? I think not.

My argument runs thus: I agree that it cheapens the human experience of sport to have the greats operate from talents that are not natural born. It is a travesty and a disappointment. But so is the stark reality that drugs, of the very legal variety, are now the way we live every facet of our life. We are solidly handicapped now, and the pill is the crutch that has the tragic dual result of both helping and perpetuating the infirmity.