In the name of God

When I first started college, I was astounded at how facile it was for my classmates to question many broadly held ideas that I had always taken on faith. Chief among these beliefs were the essential goodness of the Catholic Church and the worthiness & stability of government. It was not until later on in my studies that I became aware of the fact that my Catholic education from kindergarten through highschool stunted my intellecutal growth. The indoctrination. The incantation. The forced march from Baptism to Eucharist to Confirmation. The admonishments along the way: Do this in memory of Me, but only if you truly believe. Then there was always an unspoken corrollary that I keyed into immediately: Don't do this and become an outcast. Fear and not love or peace was the tie that bound me to my so-called faith.
And fear is a dread powerful motivator.
I have come to believe that this education crushed my spiritual life. I'm sure this was the exact opposite of what my parents intended. Indeed, if not for their example I am certain that my ability to talk to God would not exist at all. They raised my brothers and I with a love and respect that few could ever match and that is something I shall never take for granted.
Blaming it all on parochial school is a tired argument. There are many typed pages about the derelict effects of this kind of education on the human condition. Repression. Fear. Anxiety. Joyce knew all about this and I still think about his priest's homily that detailed the passions that would place you solidy on the path to hell. Nevertheless, I would be a fool not to claim some measure of responsibility for my late awakening. I was the good son, the oldest of three boys. I lived to please my parents and in many ways I still do. I always endeavored to do what was considered right in the eyes of the Church, and when I fell short, the guilt I felt would last and last and last. Belief was supposed to lead to happiness but instead beset me with anguish. I was not free.
Experience cuts the lense through which one considers the world. I have always been ashamed of my early inability to think beyond the story laid out before me and have spent the better part of my young adult life trying my best to see all angles of a given situation. To not be so easily lead. This is the backdrop against which I view the current state of affairs in this country and indeed the world. I see religion being used time and again as an organizational tool not for the good of humanity but for the good of those in power. To divide instead of unite. To hate instead of love. To render outcast rather than accept. Jesus Christ would not be amused.
The statesmen who drafted the Constitution of the United States penned the establishment clause for purposes that stretched beyond stark memories of the absence of religious freedom in the British Isles. This separation of church and state was meant to keep the undemocratic absolutes of dogma and religious doctrine quarantined from the drafting and promulgation of laws meant to serve the common good. The founding fathers were brilliant students of history and they realized that one solid consistency was the Word of God was used time and again to subjugate the weak and advance causes that were anything but True. Instead, this new form of government was determined to be based on logic and the common good. Faith by definition is any but logical. Our forbears made the necessary assumption that the common good was not necessarily in line with what the Vatican believed to be true. Or London. Or Jerusalem. Or Mecca. This new Republic would insulate itself from that manner of influence and in doing so advance the causes of equality, inclusion and understanding.
Politics in the name of God has always existed in this country. The populist William Jennings Bryan employed religious rhetoric to fight for the underprivledged and disenfranchised. But these times are far more dangerous. In the creation of "faith-based" initiatives George Bush uses God to endorse his gutting of government aid to the same subset of the population for which Bryan fought. The administration uses the same tools of fear and exclusion that worked so well for the Church, while at the same time framing the international discussion in strident, dark terms of us versus them. How could the world of Islam not view American policy as the most recent iteration of the crusades? Indeed, this president is not shy about his belief that he was called by God to be President of the United States. And his supporters (about half this nation), though running for cover now, still hold this to be one of Bush's greatest assets. If this is the same God of my childhood education, then this nation is in need of healing.
I am clawing my way back to an understanding of faith that is not at odds with my desire to be as inclusive and fair as a faulted human being can be. I want so badly to be spiritual, but not at the cost of what I consider to be a committment to the common good that supercedes identification with any one organized religion. I think that this is possible if I can dedicate my spiritual life to appreciating as much of what is out there in the world as is possible. Of knowing what spirituality means to humanity. Maybe then I can start to think of what it could mean to me.